And through it all, a river runs...

Next week i lead a group of 25 kids and young adults on a service mission to Brazil...along with all the powerful lessons of service, loving humanity and opening our hearts to so many who are so different from us...i imagine the opening of a perfect space for self-examination and growth has never been more serendipitously crafted.  While we all indulge our own sense of adventure through service and believe that we are really going to be there to help others, i am constantly recognizing the revealing truth--that the very biggest gifts of learning and growth will be internal, personal and life-changing--for myself included.  As i frantically buzz around completing last minute schedules and work plans, making sure i have put all motions into action that these kids can learn from, i have to laugh and recognize that the exponentially more astute and powerful godly practice of the universe has already called in all the characters, done so much homework and has the greatest possible solution already dialed in--not in a predestination sorta way, but in a do you understand the energetic web i'm weaving sorta way.

In our pre-planning conference calls with the group i often talk about the spirit of the "River", how we can plan and perfect whatever our tiny brains think they have some level of control over, but when we step off the literal and figurative plane of our previous journey, we step into the river--where the flow of spirit embraces, uses, bashes against the rocks and rolls up on the shore right where we are praying to be, whether we see it that way or not.  This thrumming sense is that of the subconscious and the Almighty joining a course of energetic flow as they follow the current of our own design.

As i set out on this fool's journey, I thank you in advance for the echos you share here--your own reflections on the current, i love how that resonance fills my heart with being seen. It seems that the world is in full tilt, and we are all in need of sharing our take on the spin. in my own vertigo spinning, left of center experience i am warmed by hearing the human side of all of your lives.

"when I am alone in the half-light...existence seems to fade to a being with my soul... Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through ." 

August: an INNER course of action

The warmth of the sun, the composting time for the earth, planting deep roots and ridding ourselves of weeds that spring up unbidden...time to allow thoughts and patterns that no longer serve to be turned under, let the filter of Mother Earth and Sister Moon offer the gift of mulching, ebb and flow, seasonal shift.

Time for a personal inner search this month. I will be in Brazil for the month of August--what better place to observe and swim deep in the RIVER and invite a shift in current. This is a challenge, an urge from within, to meet my soul in the deep underworld of its growth and emerge into the sun with the piece of spirit that is calling to be heard.

Time to PRAY RAIN people

"and there it is...just like that...superpower of the day--the power to  pray--check in with spirit, sense what my own heart is calling for and  resonate in that zone for a few minutes.  it can't show up unless it  knows i want it right? so unless i spend some energy calling it in,  sensing what it feels like, how i feel doing it--even when i don't know  what "it" is right now"  as i stated  A  few weeks ago.

Well let me say how much it seems i learn this one over and over; be really clear about the things i say or way i resonate my sense of being in prayer because, boy oh boy does it come on through when i ask for it.  And i have been "askin for it" for weeks now.  Stuff has been showing up left and right, begging the questions...is this what you wanted, how about this,  ok how about this now, and this one, let's try this bit on for size.  the universe hasn't been kidding around bringing me so many "answers to prayer" for me to try on that i haven't felt settled for ages.  But this other message--not the frenetic, chaotic one that tests me lately--but a glimpse into the space of connection, creating a unity and wholeness of spirit has appeared in my inbox (LITERALLY) and i want to share this bit here as well...

       "The deeply shifting intention on the planet Earth is creating an atmosphere of "perceived" chaos – Yes, the financial structures are failing, however, is that really what you are trying to protect here? Structures that have been set into place over time under misguided intention of "more is better". The Earth's core is shifting, creating quaking which results in volcanoes, earthquakes, unusual weather patterns and interactions, however it is like She is waking up after a sleep of nightmarish proportion. The greed of humanity, letting love and pure intention fall behind in value, has created the need to stretch and shake off the copasetic, passive pose of "whatever".
         The analogy – actually not analogy – the Truth of being transmitters is key. Plant your feet firmly on the ground and with intention – arms raised or not – transmit the Earth's needs into the air. Let her release through you as a loving conduit. In the same way, you will be transmitting to her the Universe's reply to her pleas. This two-way "radio" communication being conducted by living, breathing, loving energy is healing for both the distressed sender and the return broadcast from abroad – and we mean abroad in a very, very, expansive way Dear One.
         This role cannot be underestimated. There need be no interpretation of the message either way – there is no "code" to break. Pure intention, child-like joy-filled peace and harmony resonation is the most effective non-filter for this work. Out of mind and through the sacred heart. This is "our" task at hand now."  

And so i take my stand--deeply connecting to the filtering, cleansing, magnifying power of mother earth;(this is more than just a "be the ball" visualization, it is the pure practice of actually feeling the sweet flow of the river of manifesting as it becomes what i am in the now--much like the naugal wise man who didn't pray FOR rain, he just prayed rain, sensing, gushing feeling being rain, until it actually did.)

Transmitting my own prayer with a consciousness i haven't been this keenly aware of until now.  Gotta love it when a message in your inbox states it that easily right?  can't ask for a more clear delivery of intent than that!:)

The Warrior's Lament or With Arms Outstretched Wide

A few years ago I participated in a 7 day personal vision quest with a group of about 10 people. Three full days and nights of the quest were solo and fasting in the wilderness.The pre and post days were spent in preparation and follow-up with the group in the wilderness as well. I experienced some major personal revelations/visitations during that solo time on the mountain, and my learning and own awareness continues to unfold as time keeps on slipping into the future from those mountaintop moments. A few months back I met with my good friend and facilitator of the visionquest journey--who was interviewing me for his dissertation—a piece on the vision quest experience. I was really curious to hear his observations and asked if i could read it when he was done--so i just got it and read it and here is what came of that...

It’s so funny how shocked I always am by an outsider’s perspective on my own inner journey. I have had several moments sitting on the therapist's couch when I have learned some really surprising bits about myself 

and have felt none too settled as I digested the curious information.

This is how I felt as I read his paper—shocked, surprised, even troubled by the summation he had come to on my personal learning from the journey. Is this really what came across as the most important piece of information I had shared? Could he have possibly been not really listening to what I had to say? Is it possible that he came into the interview with so many preconceived notions that he only heard what he wanted to? Well all of this is possible and actually even probable—I’m of the opinion we typically only hear what we want, and only as it relates to us most of the time. However with all those disclaimers being made, I also came to another conclusion that was quite surprising to me...

I had learned something much bigger, more powerful and poignant than any of the conclusions he came to about what I shared, but he could only base his observations on what I told him; He wasn’t up there on the mountain with me; He didn’t stand on the edge of that cliff with me, chest bared, long hair whipping in the wind as I wailed out my own personal lament, crying to the ancestors that surrounded me to ‘come running’ as if from Rumi’s stretcher of angels; 

How could he have known any of these things...

because I didn’t tell him? 

Not only didn’t I tell him, I considered the knowledge, the personal revelation, the intimate experience to be in fact so intimate that I could only reveal it in the verymost intense and 
deeply in touch of moments that few on this plane would ever know it.

So why when I read his observations was I so offended that he hadn’t read it in my essence 
as if from the ethers?  Oh the personal indignation, nostrils flaring, quippy dismissal—I moved effortlessly into fullblown denunciation without much provocation(all with at least a small maintained sense of humor about the whole thing)  that I had to let go even that fact that I had read his paper at all for a period of time.   As I caught my breath, let a few weeks pass, reread the paper a few times—most importantly reviewed, expressed, defined and embraced the big lessons that sit so profoundly on my heart from this experience, I realized that I had fully protected, guarded and strong-armed any intrusion into that space, even from the most well-meaning of inquiries.

And here it is… How else is it possible that others come to know those places in me, other than if I choose to share them?  I am the keyholder and gatekeeper—wow, I get all the power.  But what’s that guardianship worth if there isn’t anyone to share it with?  Realizing all this, I look at some of his observations and the pendulum swings back…maybe he wasn’t entirely off the mark, maybe he was able to come to some conclusions about what I had told him that really did have something to do with what was going on for me…and then a little more breath, allowing, okayness sneaks in.   and so we are both right…there is more to share and more to learn…and just like that,

now the way is made open.

A little night Music, Poetry Monday and Summer Solstice

My mind seems to be a little bit full of the draw of this shortest night of the year and resists the slumber that has typically long since cajoled a dreamscape from my eyes.  Rather tonight it seems i am called to share a bit of my own poetry found on father's day while cleaning out all sorts of nooks and crannies from my own desk.  i came across these few verses scribbled hastily, in terrible handwriting and with no care for perfect meter or rhyme.  they were simply childhood moments, places romantically recalled from a girl's thoughts holding some magical draw for moments lost to all but memory.

and so on this all too magical midsummer's eve i cast my own magic into the cauldron, recalling the potent draw of childhood imagination and dream making, a treasure hunt of place and time out of time!!!

Tin Roof

Springtime's ripeness doesn't last long

One false step could do you wrong

a slippery shaky place to trod

for one who passes here unshod

Don't get no jam between your toes

a respite here will stain your soles.

(as children we would climb on top of the horse shed, just to the base of the mulberry tree and spend delighted hours coaxing  ripened purple berries to fall into our fingers, staining palms and lips and toes with their succulent juices--i wore these stains as a badge of honor rejoicing in the arrival of summertime)

Diving Board

Our childrens' game consisted oft

of flying high, propelled aloft

down pirate's path to murky brine

which now is stiff with broken spine.

(on long hot summer days, we children would spend hours in the swimming pool coming up with elaborate games to pass the time.  rarely did we leave the pool without some imagined game of walking the plank down the diving board whose spring is all but lost and board very near broken)

Treasure Chest

If pirates had been ladies gay

it is certain that with ribbons they would have liked to play

and bows and dresses and shoes and dolls

to masquerade at madmen's balls

(when summer storms threatened our fun, at least the sisters came indoors to continue our games, dress-ups were pulled from the best of piratey-looking treasure chests, where we spun yarns fit for children's tales and grand conjuring indeed)

‘IS IT TRUE’ | soul biographies

there are just perfect moments sometimes when i get to remember that i can throw out the crap my ego tells me if i choose to live it differently.  this is a tiny video by Byron Katie encouraging anyone, including me, to do just that.

‘IS IT TRUE’ | soul biographies

Poetry Monday--just a day early, that's all

zero circle...

...be helpless, dumbfounded,

   unable to say yes or no.

   then a stretcher will come from grace

        to gather us up.

   we are too dull-eyed to see that beauty.

   if we say we can, we're lying.

   if we say No, we don't see it,

   that No will behead us

  and shut tight our window onto spirit.

   so let us rather not be sure of anything,

   beside ourselves, and only that, so

   miraculous beings come running to help.

   crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,

   we shall be saying finally,

   with tremendous eloquence, lead us.

   when we have totally surrendered to that beauty,

   we shall be a mighty kindness.
Rumi

superpower activate

one time sitting around with a group of friends discussion turned to what super hero power you would take on if you could choose...my sister said, she would add a hidden hour to the day that only she could use, thus giving her hidden time to get all the things done she had overcommitted to. what kind of a superpower is that, i ask you? i was just sitting at my desk wishing for an extra hour in the day, but when it gets right down to it, i don't want that to be the special thing about me--that i have enough time to get all my "supposed to's" done. i would much rather step into the starting to check off all the "want to's" for my life..

as i reflect on this day, i spent about 35 minutes so far doing anything i want. i'm not exactly sure how to balance that; i like my job, i like the purpose behind what i do, but do i like the countless meetings about proper verbage for donor reciprocity, or the weighty stacks of powerpoints on my desk informing one group or another about something very important? i can't say that i have much affinity for these things. so where does the balance come in? how do i incorporate more of what i want into my everyday? is it by jealously guarding a hidden hour to secretly fill with my precious chosen moments? i don't think so...in fact, there probably is no amount of thinking that will resolve this conundrum...it is a certain amount of doing and being that starts the ball rolling. what is that superpower? how do i get more of that flowing in my life? if i can't even articulate the superpower, how do i get the day to day power that coincides? is there a specifice forum where i can get these questions answered...

and there it is...just like that...superpower of the day--the power to pray--check in with spirit, sense what my own heart is calling for and resonate in that zone for a few minutes. it can't show up unless it knows i want it right? so unless i spend some energy calling it in, sensing what it feels like, how i feel doing it--even when i don't know what "it" is right now

Hand to Heart

in the spiritual tradition i grew up in, we had a common practice of "raising our hand to the square" to signify our agreement from the congregation.  We also learned of using the same sign to stand in strength of spirit when or if the need ever arose to call on the support and strength of unseen guidance and protection.

In the classroom we did the same to vote for a common goal, or elect someone to office--and we held our hand to our heart to pledge allegiance.  I watched many of our olympians this year choose not to raise hand to heart--was that a conscious thing?  I wonder how one can strive for excellence in such a powerful way and not feel overwhelming gratitude and allegiance to a way of being from a country that allowed, encouraged, honored that pursuit?  How is it possible not to be aware of how clearly the physical signs and symbols we revere and honor support us on our own path?


i suppose i should ask that question only for myself, and so i rephrase... 
i ask that my eyes and spirit be constantly awakened and enriched by the signs and symbols whose deeper meaning always guide my path?


"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." 
Antoine De Saint Exupery

this quote has appeared from all directions for me recently--and i was shocked to find it emerge in the mandala i have been pouring onto the page below.  i have been on a journey with a circle of friends--examining my own vows of conscious living.  without having any clue what it was my innards wanted to make outer, i drew this mandala while meditating on my own purity of heart, and while the art part of it lept in light out from the surface of the paper, the clarity of this symbol only now has begun to ring so clear for my own path.  This palm is raised to the square, baring heart fully in a mudra of pure love.

"cultivating purity of heart...one must have a desire to see with transparent eyes, to have no judgement about, desires for, or emotional aversions.  Purity of heart reveals a maskless self, and tremendous personal awareness" 
Deborah Jones

As the color, emotion and energy flow into the light of this circle, the heart appears deep within the iris of this eye--the eye which sees through the heart, does not need nor desire the masks the physical eye relays, but gratefully acknowledges the deep beauty only visible from the stand of heart wide open.

It is from this place that i choose to witness my own self and my tribe, of which you all are a part.

                                        AHO MITAKUYE OYASIN

Poetry Mondays--The Song of the Wandering Aengus

Following whimsy and subject to spontaneity like i am--i declare today  "POETRY MONDAY".  this yeats poem keeps turning up like shiny new dime to be reconsidered and examined. with gaze intrigued, i discover the power of a celtic and druidic return to mystic images unfolding and revealing itself to me in these words.  funny how we experience things on one level, and they become brand new when our eyes are opened on a new level of awareness.
i am grateful for a conscious look at all the symbols that are offering their wisdom to those who seek.


what images are revealed to you?

The Song of Wandering Aengus
By William Butler Yeats

I went out to the hazel wood,
Because a fire was in my head,
And cut and peeled a hazel wand,
And hooked a berry to a thread;
And when white moths were on the wing,
And moth-like stars were flickering out,
I dropped the berry in a stream
And caught a little silver trout.

When I had laid it on the floor
I went to blow the fire aflame,
But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.

Though I am old with wandering
Through hollow lands and hilly lands,
I will find out where she has gone,
And kiss her lips and take her hands;
And walk among long dappled grass,
And pluck till time and times are done
The silver apples of the moon,
The golden apples of the sun.

To Consider: Love and its thousand transformations, and the pursuit of the Beloved, that holy one who calls me by my name. Over and over again.