Wednesday, October 17, 2007

how does a little lama get her schooling?

there should be rules right? or not? o.k.--so really not "rules" so much as an absence of them, more or less. and not really rules, but guidelines that aid us in the flow of things. mostly i am just talking about setting up/establishing the fact that i couldn't give a rat's ass about spelling, grammar, punctuation etc. and that i don't intend to use it here(at least not in any formal sense of the word), especially because i find that it sort of inhibits what i write if i have to stop and think about how to do so properly, how to best present my words and thoughts in a socially acceptable manner. funny thing, these rules, really just one guideline, sort of feels like it fits for my life as well. i mean, what is the deal with rules anyway? of course i totally get the whole mass chaos, life of wild abandon argument, but is that really what would happen? and why would it happen? how did it turn out that we as a planet full of human beings; touching, feeling, loving human beings should wind up so far away from our own centers, from paying attention to what our inner core, or spirit, or soul, or whatever you want to label it tells us feels good, not just good to me as an individual, but to me as a universal whole?

so maybe you don't agree with the premise, what is this "universal whole" business all about? but seriously, we don't exist in a vacuum people. and who would want to? living life all alone, without interaction with other human beings might quickly lose its appeal when we find that many of our motivations are exactly for interacting with others. so what would that be like, to act with no motivation for interaction with any other individual in the world? as for myself, i consider that to be a fairly lonely existence--and lonely is definitely not one of my motivations! what are my motivations? hmmmm..., in their simplest of, love, fulfillment. i suppose we all decide for ourselves what brings joy, love and fulfillment into our individual lives--and my answers for that are constantly shifting. like right now fulfillment is often found in an afternoon spent with a steaming hot espresso, overlooking the west mountains as the sun sets, in introspection. this could be considered a lonely pursuit, but for me, the thought that i'm putting these thoughts out into the world somehow enters them--me into relationship with the world, perhaps to be seen and responded to in some way, by anyone at all feels like a choice for noticing and responding--or not, for expression, for relationship to begin. these are not specifically defined states of being, but rather very loosely held ideas that satisfy for now.

here's the deal--the whole "ecole" situe--i guess that's what this blog is about for me...a chance to air my opinions, try them on for size, decide if they stick at all or if they should be discarded as readily as they were contrived and make space for new opinions to flow into. what better place to do exactly that than in a forum where there is no reason to censure for associations, or community, or habit--there is merely free thought and flow of that--hopefully with some response at some point on which to sharpen my own sentiment--or not, just getting 'em out of my own head creates a space for stillness to enter, ahhhh and that's where the good shit is.

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