I'm a Magic Pixie/Storyteller, What are you?

This winter has truly been a space of ebb and moving in fallow land to discover what might be growing just under the surface.  For me this has been a therapeutic time of stillness, deep soil regeneration and wondering.  i am in wonderment at how life continually blesses me with challenges and awakenings that coax my timid footsteps into clearer paths.  i wanted to share just a bit of that learning, reaching out in connection and a willingness to be seen.

i meet with a group every couple of weeks that does some deep work/play on fundamental energy concepts of spirit and intuition.  recently our guide asked in general "what are your intuitive gifts?"  it's sometimes hard to just come right out and say it isn't it?  or maybe that's just me.  and sometimes i don't even have a clue what my gifts are.  in that moment i wasn't interested in hiding my gifts, but claiming them--so i joined in by saying "i'm a storyteller".  she said, "great, will you present to us next week?"   i'm sure you can imagine my own shock and no meagre dismay at having to move from saying a single word about myself into actually turning on this so-called gift in front of a group that i consider to be quite gifted.  What was i thinking, why did i raise my hand, how could i have dared?

the next week class was canceled, i had a reprieve i thought.  but as time stretched out, my little ole brain got in the middle of things and started to second guess me all over the place.  Several times i had to consciously switch off that chatter to allow the deeper knowing in me a place to work.  and work it did...right alongside the brain that spent a long sick-day in bed, several tearjerking sessions evaluating my own worth and one or two silly, crazy arguments with those i love.  i never even spotted one of the causes for all this turmoil was the shifting.  all through the winter, so many things germinating inside that were just dying (or in this case LIVING) to get out.

when the evening came i was ready, that means i had calmed my tired mind and emptied it of expectation. (i did spend some funny moments making sure my house was clean, the good smelling candles were lit and i had a huge stack of possible props at hand--ahhh the busywork)  when called upon i spent a few minutes in my own "small story"; sharing what felt like vulnerable details of my own earth experience and a desire to connect even in that place.  But then i shifted in the "grand and mythic tale"--this always seems a suit much more fulfilling to wear.  without having a plan, just the intention to invite story in, in the best way it would serve the moment, i opened my storybook and went.  someone volunteered to have their story told, drew from a tray of archetypal objects (or just fun sand tray items really collected on my own journey through story) and off we went; weaving a story together that began in his own tiniest of places and ended in the biggest vision he could see of himself. (his words, not mine)

and then there was silence, how did that happen, what did i say, was that really real or am i just dreaming?  the roaring silence filled my ears with the joy of filling space with a shared spirit--as i shared my own gifts, spirit raced in to fill me up, expand my vision and guide my tale; and those loving wonderful spirits in the room met me there, so willing and joyful to witness the journey. 

I share this story as an invitation, when we share our vulnerable hearts with the courage to be seen, there is a gift created in that moment; a gift of the mythic character we each are being named and seen and celebrated.  this is no small gift and it encourages the re-gifting by it's very nature.  i thank you for so gently witnessing my own story and always offer that gift in return.

I saw this lovely little talk on TED recently that actually prompted me to write this up and share with more than my own small group that evening--i offer it as a tasty morsel of delightful insight and learning into our own magic pixie places:) Magic Pixie/Storyteller...a little TED piece about that gift

6 Degrees of Indra's Net

     Sometimes i think if i were a composer and notes were words it might be easier to sit at the piano to write my thoughts; I would just be the music inside pouring onto the page.  With that in mind' i sing this little tune...

It's been hard to write this month; the music is a little dissonant and i feel sort of in the "thick of the trees", but it's in the writing that the song streams again and i get a better view of the "forest". Life never ceases to amaze me with how intricately its purposes weave through all our many connections.  How the 6 degrees of separation between one person i know and another are not just accidental degrees and when Indra's net of connectivity reveals how much we each are a part of the ONE.  the line in the pattern of the weave that connects me from one to another always tempts me to pick through the intricate design;

how the melody flows from one person to another; one experience to the next; always building on those chords and making the refrain that much more sweet?

This week I went to an earthshaking, heart-beating, drumming, healing night of greatness.  The drummer who began our beat, Toby Christensen (introduced to me by a friend from home), told the group of his own learning in a time spent travelling and exploring his gift with a woman from the West African Dagara tribe.  The further he got into his story, rhythms and beats i realized he was speaking of one of my dearest teachers in 9 Gates Mystery School.

Sobonfu Some 

As Toby began our night of drumming, i set my intention for a rhythmic prayer of healing and with this layer of meaning and relationship i joined in the soul-clarifying work of the drum for myself and so many in my circle-- lessons i recognized from my own study with Sobonfu.


This night of drumming stands out as a pivotal moment between the struggle for understanding i have felt in the past few weeks and the guidance this struggle gives as i prepare to return for another journey in my mystery school training.

in preparation for this journey, I've been clearing through the pressing work on my desk.  this week marked the beginning of our year end campaign for donations, and i began a series of personal calls with major donors.  my deepest desire in these connections is to create a bridge between the heartgiving, passion building spaces of my donors to the needs and deep openings of my programs and their participants--a way to invite their own hearts' song by connecting through spirit and giving.  even as i write this part i start to laugh because the day i sat down to make these calls i lost my voice.  along with a strong cold that i have this week, came pretty intense laryngitis and i wasn't able to make a single call.  So i started writing e-mails, opening deeply to spirit and the words i felt guided to write to these donors.  really simple e-mails, but at the end of a few days of this process i realized what a strong gift the power this listening provides.  when in full voice, i typically find myself ready with some seemingly brilliant thought to share or guidance to offer...and through this week learned, on a much more present and demanding note, the power of listening intently with my heart and getting out of the thinking space of my brain.(a brain/ego set upon producing a clever bit of info or string of words)

Now as i sense the beat calling in the "tribe" of 9 gates--those souls who still unknown to eachother are already members of a deeply heart-bound tribe--i feel so blessed for the very real lesson of listening.  Returning with the intention of service i am so grateful to learn yet again how to get out of the way of old physical patterns which demand attention for the conversational brilliance of an egoic chatterbox, and opening to a deeper space of listening; opening to the opportunity of being of service, answering a request of need, recognizing the wisdom of spirit as it calls for what it needs and i make myself available to answer that call--truly both for myself and others.

Ah the space here of a sounding board, where words truly do become a rythmic song and all the coincidental and synchronistic moments of learning reveal their melodic weave.

August: an INNER course of action

The warmth of the sun, the composting time for the earth, planting deep roots and ridding ourselves of weeds that spring up unbidden...time to allow thoughts and patterns that no longer serve to be turned under, let the filter of Mother Earth and Sister Moon offer the gift of mulching, ebb and flow, seasonal shift.

Time for a personal inner search this month. I will be in Brazil for the month of August--what better place to observe and swim deep in the RIVER and invite a shift in current. This is a challenge, an urge from within, to meet my soul in the deep underworld of its growth and emerge into the sun with the piece of spirit that is calling to be heard.

superpower activate

one time sitting around with a group of friends discussion turned to what super hero power you would take on if you could choose...my sister said, she would add a hidden hour to the day that only she could use, thus giving her hidden time to get all the things done she had overcommitted to. what kind of a superpower is that, i ask you? i was just sitting at my desk wishing for an extra hour in the day, but when it gets right down to it, i don't want that to be the special thing about me--that i have enough time to get all my "supposed to's" done. i would much rather step into the starting to check off all the "want to's" for my life..

as i reflect on this day, i spent about 35 minutes so far doing anything i want. i'm not exactly sure how to balance that; i like my job, i like the purpose behind what i do, but do i like the countless meetings about proper verbage for donor reciprocity, or the weighty stacks of powerpoints on my desk informing one group or another about something very important? i can't say that i have much affinity for these things. so where does the balance come in? how do i incorporate more of what i want into my everyday? is it by jealously guarding a hidden hour to secretly fill with my precious chosen moments? i don't think so...in fact, there probably is no amount of thinking that will resolve this conundrum...it is a certain amount of doing and being that starts the ball rolling. what is that superpower? how do i get more of that flowing in my life? if i can't even articulate the superpower, how do i get the day to day power that coincides? is there a specifice forum where i can get these questions answered...

and there it is...just like that...superpower of the day--the power to pray--check in with spirit, sense what my own heart is calling for and resonate in that zone for a few minutes. it can't show up unless it knows i want it right? so unless i spend some energy calling it in, sensing what it feels like, how i feel doing it--even when i don't know what "it" is right now

Now i lay me Down to Sleep

So a little while back i did this pretty powerful ritual with a group i was working with and it called for writing a prayer to my own higher self; or even the powerful spirit and ethos of the caring universe.  I scribbled a version of it into my journal and only just pulled it out tonight--this has been a pretty tough few weeks of temperature check for myself--You know, the whole, "who am i, what am i doing here" business that sparks a bit of energy every once-in-a while.

so as i sat quite still and read these words i felt so grateful to a higher self that helped me to write these words down a while back, knowing this would be just what i was yearning to hear from someone with the vision to know...

ma cher petite lama,

Be gentle on yourself as you rise in the oven, don't get overly anxious or make any sudden moves; i didn't let the eggs sit out all day, bringing them to room temperature just so you could make a scramble out of my souffle. The oven really does have to be that hot or the air won't create the space and you won't rise like you need to, all those perfect air bubbles in the mix are evidence that the chef was trained in only the best of kitchens.  The Refiner's fire never was meant to leave the silver full of dross ya know.  i even broke my blade while chopping the ironwood for the fire and had to go back to the forge to make a new one--always a sign of strong portence--to be sure.


and not to worry, the crack in the bowl is from when dog and goddess rushed into the kitchen so excited they were back in time to add the bergamot and ginger they gathered just for you.  that crack allows for just the right amount of steam to escape when the pressure is so intense and cannot be contained, and all that steam makes for such a good crust on the outer layers.  The spices are called for in an amazing recipe my mother taught us (madre de dios, she does have quite a good sense of mirth) they prepare the senses for so many opportunities to taste the flavor of life--i can't wait to savor those moments with you.


it's not long now--you'll know when you are ready--just go ahead and join the hosts of heaven in the dining hall--we have a feast layed in your honor..


Amen!!!!

CHEF

solar eclipse tonight--ceremony anyone? at 11:11pm PST

Tonight's a beautiful night to hold ceremony welcoming in the sun energy of creating the new in your own world.   With the new year full moon and blue moon we had the illuminating chance to create movement, closure, send blessings and hold ceremony for all that was transitioning in our lives.   Now with the solar eclipse we are invited to ignite, catalyze and spur the new that 2010 will bring. 

as we move closer to 2012, shamanic lore tells us that our energetic shifts are sped up to 20 day cycles for what we used to cycle through in a year.  be gentle with yourself during this time, be on purpose, invite the change you are looking for in your life--don't let it come up as if "by accident".  now is the time to awaken to the call of your unique and glorious path and be on purpose in the world.

inHarmony astrology: solar eclipse in capricorn 1/14/10 at 11:11pm PST

Introspection Loves Company

(author's note re: dramatic liscence...these are the combined words, thoughts, heartbeats of my mystic tribe. i ask full pardon and blessing for combining them to the beat of my own heart)

Oh Ram.....

When alone and introspective

I marvel at the creature and spirit that breathes its way into my awareness...

The drums are getting louder and my heart beats in time...

When the wind touches me in new ways

I feel the smell of the summer air for the first time

It weaves in and out of being in the world,

Consciously entering into and emerging from Presence.

delving deep within, and trusting fully

Jumping "off the cliff" empty handed

I hear this call out of the fog of forgetfulness.

Take the jump not because it is comfortable, but because comfort follows the jump.

Look forward to the splash as we take the leap together

Into this expansive void I free fall with gusto

From a high-ground view where my intent wavered,

and where I stopped to swallow stillness.

as promised, here's my voice again,

It flutters like a million Butterfly wings

Sounding out, a tone to follow....

Back to the well where we'll drink once more.

I feel your words now

Vibrating, jingling my bones, dancing under my skin...

In anticipation and Love for my tribe.....
I feel you all so very close, with every breath.....

The body as a temple is practice in answer to prayer

The balancing elixir of our systems

Headed for something Biblical or divine,

out of my awareness I do manage to find the switch

And love every minute of this wild ride;

Learning to stay grounded, in rhythm with earth.

I end up an alchemist making elixirs of rock, vortexes of manifest ease.

If the earth were not cracked open we would never have known

Never known the jewels, the great Earth medicines

Life goes on, important events "just happen".

No amount of preparation or lack thereof will change anything

Heartaches arrive on my doorstep

Accompanied with a freedom previously mistaken for loss.

A couple I welcome inside to get warm

They make themselves intimately known to the who I am today

I am "chomping at the bit"...

like the wind horse pulling on the reigns of our awareness;

The soul rearing to go, galloping into its remembrance of undifferentiated Self.

Sometimes I am unsure of what I might find;

others I am at rest in the Divine Mother's lap

Knowing that I knew nothing...

Hence the ground cracking open...blasting through my Pisces Sun,

The water of this swim burns at noonday and fills my gills

Come out to the desert one and all.

The Land waits

The Mystery is waiting

I am surrounded by a ring of fire.

Out of the circle of time and into the circle of love
only when I stopped to listen,

Was I able to hear?

Will we be chased through the desert by our captors?

Will the sea part, leading us to our freedom?

Shut the talking down,

Break through the gateway,

Guarding the mystery of heart

Balancing the daily company of death,

I am in awe of the power

I am very much at peace

It's important for us to feel each other gathering....

Emptied, enchanted, expanded, ecstatic and.... united as One.
Just to Re-member our Wholeness

with open arms and heart

And in the "unknowing", where all pictures turn

velvety darkness or pure potential,

the entire landscape transforms

At the still point, I wait with joyful anticipation of our reunion.

YOU HAVE ONLY TO BE STILL.

Messenger of messengers

Enough silence to truly hear.
I answer the call to return to our circle

and delve deeper into the water,

Divine Rebirth

Oh Ram…how curious your costume

petitelama, Deborah, Delora, Lisa, Don, David, Julie, Julia, Lola, Kim, Tracie, Mary, Wendy Sue, Ryan, Margaret, Dana, Anne lise, Sandy, Diana

-----------------
Now playing: peter gabriel Salisbury Hill
via FoxyTunes

That VALR, she's so HOT right now!!!

Mother earth, wide and deep
stirs the elemental cauldron of pure matter.
As the Queen holds dominion over hive life
inherent order's beauty is realized.

Balancing a timeless dance of earth
while waltzing gently in fluid birth.
Embracing both the ebb and flow
within your nurturing womb.

Spreading Limbs broad and true,
the energy of life revealed
in the heavens of Kether and dirt of Malkuuth.

Seeking long enough to find
that death comes to the ego
only when the conscious priestess lends her graceful gaze.
And when truly "singing out her flesh"
does the heart beat once again from this worthy praise.

Now challenged as only the lone HERMIT can express
How can the HERO brave the mighty Thorn
to reach the blessed Flower?

Up on the hill set that hedge ablaze
and breathe the initiate's fire.
It is in choice of Holy MOMENT that she lingers no more,
and leaps to enter the battle.

----------------
Now playing: Edie Brickell & New Bohemians - Good Times
via FoxyTunes

stars or diamonds? it's all good...

last night, after a long day of playing with kids in a very inspiring(this means mary poppinsish and equals extremely tiring) and ultimate 'auntie' like way i entered my brother's house with feet ever so slightly dragging for yet another family gathering. it was my sister-in-law's birthday, her 40th, not to be missed--a big day for anyone and because that number is getting ever so much closer for me, all the more real.

in a large family like mine, gatherings--especially on a sunday--seem to come around more often than not and sometimes my boundaries pull a full stop and require that i abstain from participating. a house full of children, siblings, guitar hero, jacuzzi water fights and any other number of fantabulous diversions can only go so far into the goodtimes zone some nights when all you want is a little down time, a hot bath, maybe a good book and solitude. but we all don't know what's good for us all the time do we? i really did want to go to the b-day party, i just wanted the downtime as well--and since there's always more time for down, off to the party i went.

i have to admit, i was a tiny bit excited. i actually had an awesome gift to give-- a little homemade delight that came straight from the heart and lifted my spirits just in the making. how great is that, to begin to shift the tired and overwhelmed energy--really just by thinking of someone else with warmth and love as you make them something tiny and thoughtful? why do all those wise sayings of 'find yourself in service' or 'get outside of yourself to find the love' begin to ring so true in this instance? when i gave the gift, my sister-in-law was delighted with it, but i'm not sure that's even what did it for me, it was really in the space where i imagined giving her spirit a gift of myself that i was able to warm the very cockles of my heart. (so funny, actually spotted a tray of 'cockles' straight from new zealand the other day in the grocery store. have you ever even known what cockles were? they're sort of like mussels--but the image is so much more complete for me now. kind of like,if you open them up, they are even shaped like a lumpy and imperfect heart).

the evening progressed, songs were sung, crepes were made, snow angels straight out of the jacuzzi were attempted and overwhelm returned to gray the edges. then a moment of transformation overtook me, and i abandoned my tired ego to the joy of the evening...in the room just off the kitchen, two little girls sang into their microphones with wild abandon!!! They didn't care that adults and teenagers looked on laughing, they didn't care that they had never even heard this song before, they only cared to wrap their arms around eachother and rejoice to 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' !! how can they even read the words fast enough to keep up with the song, much less imbue it with such real emotion? a momentary illumination took my own heart, i questioned this week about just what it is parents are teaching their children, the much more important and very life changing question is ..."what are the children teaching their parents?".


aha, notice taken, joy expressed, and cockle-warming diamonds dancing all over the sky.
----------------
Now playing: The Beatles - All You Need Is Love
via FoxyTunes

alchemical baking or life changing breakfast

in daily life i am a chef for a constantly changing and always craving group of lovable folks in need of food that feeds the belly and the soul. a little "soul food" ensues...

--alchemical baking

"...is it only isaiah of old that held the key to the mystic's secret art of transmutation, revealing that only a refiner's fire might distinguish the silver from the dross? What if it were possible that the steam rising from a mother's homemade breakfast were enough to transport the day from ordinary to blessed? Perhaps "a moment on the lips, forever on the hips" was really meant as a soothsayer's caution, reminding us that only the truly wise know it is what we choose to speak and hold in our hearts which becomes the burden-- or light we each carry with us to guide the way. And so it is in knowing the power of words and strength of focus, that we are urged to bless the moments of our day, much as we would assemble the ingredients to the perfect breakfast. In both ways we start our day with a blessing, an honoring, a transmutation of daily practice into sacred ritual; welcoming that which is godlike into the tiny moments of our lives..."

--cinnamon raisin french toast

-6 medium eggs

-1/2 to 1 c. milk

- 1 tsp. vanilla

- 2 tsp. cinnamon

- 1/2 tsp. nutmeg

-pinch of salt

-3 to 5 whole wheat cinnamon raisin bagels(premade/store-bought)

-waffle iron

whisk together ingredients of egg mix until liquid is very light and airy. cut each bagel in half and soak the slices in the egg mix for 1-2 full minutes to allow it to soak up a lot of the eggs. place both halves of the bagel in the waffle maker and firmly close and cook until light turns to green. cooking in the waffle maker changes the shape of the bagel entirely and now your breakfast guests will think they are eating the world's most delicious and entirely from scratch french toast/waffles.

Topping

-2 to 4 cups fresh or frozen sliced peaches (depending on how many people you are serving)

-1 cup of your favorite granola ( i can provide you with a killer recipe if you request)

-2-4 Tbs. butter

bring all of these ingredients to a sizzle in a sauté pan with a little bit of butter and a pinch of sugar if you like, and serve on top of french toast with warm maple syrup.

Please enjoy this delicious meal and take a moment to envision your biggest manifestations...the steam from this meal is guaranteed to make at least 3 dreams come true for the day!!!!:)