Wednesday, November 21, 2007

waxing gibbous

ok, so where the hell did the term "waxing gibbous" come from? i'm sure with just a bit of research the answer would be mine, but that's not the answer i seek. really i'm looking for something the other side of the gibbous moon. they say that accidents and suicides increase every full moon and there are some months when i can absolutely understand why.

i can't provide any concrete reason and all indicators should point to a thanksgiving-glazed over sense of bliss, but the ebb season has kicked in with a vengeance! this commentary in no way discounts the many people and experiences for which i am viscerally grateful, that sometimes makes the ebb all that much more difficult to be in with any sort of grace. when there is no real reason to be unhappy and malaise seems to haunt my every thought, it gets a little much to understand. when i really take this feeling out and poke it with a stick, it isn't actually anything resembling depression, i don't have a name for it, just a sense of square peg in round hole

so maybe that's it, i keep on trying to wrap my fucking brain around the situation and it doesn't have a thing to do with the thinking part of me. this is a lesson i seem to need to learn with some consistency of late, that i choose to live based on intuition and feeling, asking that my everpresent "figuring things out" ego/brain dynamic duo kick in really more as a tool than as the director of this one act play. this lesson takes discipline...and honestly, sometimes more discipline than i seem to posses. this is where the whole "lama school" thing really calls for some kind of guru.

maybe that's it, what i am looking for is someone to just spill this all out to and get the ultimate answer, what is this and how do i fix it? damn, even as i say it, my inner-guru is already shouting the answer while standing on a podium in some sort of very large hat...a la rick moranis in space balls. so since i have already spilled it all out to me a million times, the little man with the large hat is screaming get over yourself, you know this isn't real and it will pass so just ride the wave. that feels like a really good answer, but doesn't serve my current need for wailing and gnashing of teeth. ahhh, how do we ever break the terrible cycle of seeking drama?

maybe that's it, just a great big sobbing fest, mirror staring, zit-picking extravaganza. i seriously do think there is something to be said for the sobbing therapy. my mom and a friend of hers--both therapists--came up with the "sobbing therapy" the other day on a road trip, and as they shared their recent lives with eachother, they decided that it would be great to just cry it out even if the tears were crocodile. i like this crocodile drama idea, everything feels stuffed inside and just needs to come bursting out in extreme loudness, breaking of a little bit of glass and maybe just a little hard core dancing to very loud music.

ahh, and now i feel calm, the right answer just appeared in this rant, hard core dancing therapy. this will have to be further discussed in later blogs because now is the time on schprokets when we dance!!!!


  1. i am the mother's friend who helped create the 'sobbing therapy'. thought you might like to know its origins. "mom" and i were stopped at a rest stop on Highway 80 and there was this little girl just screaming her heart out after falling down and skinning her knee. "look how she does that", i said to mom. she just opens her mouth as wide as possible and wails. let's try it, we agreed. and it felt so good to just let it out. then we added the 'story' along with the wailing. "my boyfriend doesn't make enough money and i don't know what to do." waaaahhh. "my family lives 1,000 miles away and i miss them." waaaah.

    well, it wasn't long before the wailing turned to laughter and the whole drama of our lives just couldn't be taken that seriously anymore. highly recommended for those of us who tend towards drama. but hey, dancing works, too.

  2. rita--

    yeah mother's friend--the story completes mine. i really do love the idea of really "crying it out" knowing you don't necessarily mean the tears, but just need a way to let the emotion get out.

  3. Hi ya.

    The theory about moon and the impact on human moods may be explained via the moons gravitational pull.

    It is the moon which drives the tides and waves associated with the world's oceans. It does this by "stretching" the Earth so to speak which has the affect of tides rising and falling.

    If our human bodies are mainly comprised of water, then a case can be put forward for the effect the moon has on our bodies. How much effect and how that relates to emotional state needs further investigation.

  4. now you're really talkin'

    have you ever read the book "hidden messages in water" by masaru emoto? he proposes this whole theory of how water changes form in response to words used around it. the whole theory extends to the human body and the water content and how it responds on a vibrational level.

    i do believe the moon's pull really has a deep effect on our whole systems, perhaps different for each of us, but real nonetheless.