Saturday, December 17, 2011

What Price Perfection?

So for the past few years at Christmas, every time i go tree shopping or think about what i want it to look like i get this nagging feeling that it isn't actually a "tree" i want at all. The little inner juices of creativity within my have shoved one idea after another into my brain, hoping one of them would somehow see the light of day.  Well this year one of them finally did.  Instead of a yummy, pine-smelling perfectly shaped charlie brown tree, this is the idea that popped into my head...a light and air filled tree..a full 8 feet tall and packed with all things creative.  this baby took me over a week to assemble; that old joke about someone always falling into the christmas tree...well, that definitely happened as one huge and heavy ball broke off at the top and fell crashing all the other ornaments beneath it. (i just took a day off after that, so i wouldn't revert to the the fetal position and begin sucking my thumb).

And i love it, i've been playing all sorts of christmas music and feel like i go floating by it every time i am in the room...this simple bit of creative expression has set up a wonderful spirit of christmas for me...but here's the thing...

what's the deal with waiting years and years to try a fun idea like this?  why put so much pressure on myself that it has to be the coolest, most hip and creative idea or it isn't worth attempting? how many delicious, invovled, intricate, exuberant moments of creation have i stifled because "i wasn't ready yet"?  well here's what this feels like for me...i am so happy with this gorgeous bit of frippery that adorns my living room, but i am even more happy that some idea of creation got to take a little test run...

So i invited a bunch of sisters, nieces, grandmas and friends to my house tonight to make gingerbread houses.  i planned it last year with one particular niece who L.O.V.E. loves to bake, but we never got around to it.  the thing is, we wanted to make these "perfect" martha stewart type houses that only have royal icing, a little silver leafing and homemade gingerbread.  as the invite list grew, i grew worried that the other girls would not be happy to have such bald houses and would feel somehow bummed that there was more candy to "pretty up the place".  i had this inner battle going on inside of me.."no, it's my party, we'll make the kind of houses i want",  "i don't see anyone else offering to host such a thing" , "they  will see how beautiful these are when we are done and know it was worth it to do it my way"  what a funny self i am...really, why do i care how someone else decorates their house?  why do i care how much gorgeous frippery they decide to add over every single inch of the house if they like?
Here's what i hope...that in the true spirit of embracing all the powers of creation during this wonderful season of love and light...that i might allow the space for tiny and large creations of my own, that they may be as insanely flawed as ever, but beautiful all the same; and that my delight in this moment will far outweigh the need for perfection and recognize that the effort of creation is what makes me complete.

hmmmm....see how these lessons come around in this blog here Let Go and Let Guy

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