I AM The I (eye) of The STORM

Yesterday was the last day in our lifetimes when the calendar will line up with such powerful repetitive digits...12/12/12.  When the whole world is so busy looking forward to next week when 12/21/2012 hits our doorstep; the ebullient and life-affirming energy of the 12th Night stepped in and took my breath away.

so here's the thing, one could say I am into the power of numbers; not like watch out for that huge 3 looming over your head, but closer to the notion of the resonance--the sheer vibrational pitch--that dates and their energy offer us when we are open to receiving it--read as, pay attention there's some good shit about to come forth!  Now even more than numbers i am into words---the vibration and meaning of our shared language can sometimes be so incredibly profound that it takes my breath away in the saying and soothes my soul in the praying.  When i combine these two notions, i can often end up speechless just because of all the powerful understanding that comes through these ideas when i truly pay attention.

So to start with the numbers..

.as i started to look at the energy of this line-up of 12/12/12, i realized that it was a date for some beautiful self-expression, love of beauty and creativity, a completion and settling in of our heart space.  Amidst this year of oft-times earth-shattering change, came a day right close to the end of the year that offers a summation of all things beautiful that we have made out of the huge storm of life brewing throughout this year of tumultuous energy.  It purposely offered a chance to stop, reflect and encourage each of us to acknowledge what gorgeous mudpies we made out of the soup of our lives this year!   This is a place deep within the Heart Chakra to sing out how much we love ourselves, how grateful and grand our own soul is, how fantastic and funny we are to friends, and how majestic and kind our hearts truly are.

 Did you take that moment?  it's not too late ya know!!!  Consider this a free coupon to reflect, wrap your arms tight around yourself and all of those you love, and bask in the love that you have made in the world!!!

and with a deep breath, we move with that energy of deep self-love to look to the energy of 12/21/2012...(and i just freakin' love how these numbers delight me once again)  the energy of this day, as promised and prophesied, is hugely about the end of the world...but this big "ENDING"  completely up to interpretation.  This means you get to make the sense of it that works for you...The energy it offers is to break our hearts wide open from the deeply introspective place of self-love i just told you to get in, and recognize that we are moving to a place of Universal Love for all mankind.  The vibration of this date actually cries out as a wake up call!  It beckons, begs and bargains for us to finally at the very gate of our endings, to wake up to our Universal beginning.  How profound if we only are awake enough to answer that call.  As the poet Rumi tells us "the breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you, don't go back to sleep".  Listen to these whisperings, take them into your spirit, wake up to this time of shifting from knowing yourself in the internal and singular way that our ego would like to keep us and consider Knowing yourself, as the vast connected Brotherhood of Humankind--we are not separate!

And here's where the word thing really starts to kick in big time!!!! 

 This notion of Knowing ourselves...the energy of this year and now this swift and expansive 10 days from 12th to 21st is about knowing our hearts in a totally new way.  As the storm, indeed the Hurricane of change rages all around us, we have the choice to become the I(eye) Am of the storm.  "You will shelter me my love, and I will shelter you to!" are the sweet and haunting words the musician Ray laMontagne uses to encourage a different way.  But i'm not sure even those words are enough...they are the start...the stilling of the moment, the tiny invitation to stop in the storm and find a place of respite, but where do we find this respite?

"And a man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land". Isaiah 32:2  

When we consider these words from the view of our own enlightenment, our own path of stepping into the great I Am, ourselves as the divine, ourselves as the light when we allow it to shine forth from our very soul...This is when the tempest may rage all around us, but we become the very stillpoint in the the center.  The energy center at the very core of our being, the heart chakra, has the capacity to expand from a place of just the little ole' me that my ego likes to practice that i am, way out into the fearlessly extraordinary place of the Universal I AM--at one with all.  (this gives a whole new thought to the idea of what might be hinted at in the word and offering of Atonement doesn't it?)

Stick with me here because i have this huge stream of consciousness word thing that wants to get down on paper, so if you will indulge...

When we consider how from our very heart space we block ourselves off from self-love...we judge and hold ourselves as separate and less than...our culture will suggest that this is a call for repentance.  Now consider the root of this word's meaning...in Greek the word for Repentance is "Metanioa"...and the literal translation of this word is "to go beyond the mind" into "the larger mind".  If we can release ourself from the singular space of isolation within our own self, the place where we judge from separation and assess and figure things out in our brain; release into the expansive connection to the whole of humanity.  we are not separate or isolated, the shared wisdom and energy that is available from spirit--we shift beyond the place of repenting in our limitations to rejoicing in the connection of the Universal heartmind--here is where true wisdom is found--we forsake whatever it is that makes us feel alone and isolated and leap into the space where we are connected, not alone, euphoric in this discovered place of oneness.

And finally to the true "Knowing" of ourselves...

'Tree of Life' Starlamichelle.com

In Greek, "Gnosis" is the word for "to know with intuition"...consider the often used (and sometimes with humor) to "know" in the Biblical sense...In Hebrew, the word Da'ath translates as 'lovemaking', but the Kabbalists use it to designate the very center of our beings, our heart space in the the Tree of Life and it is often referred to as that space or name which cannot be mentioned--perhaps because the very notion is so elusive, that the explanation must be learned from within, not taught from without (and yet, here i go because i just can't help articulating how lushy all this string of connections feels for me). Consider for a moment the joyful and exuberant place that lovemaking puts us, combine that sense with "knowing" with intuition.  It is no accident that these two kinds of knowing are intertwined--there is a literal space of ecstasy to tap into when we allow the light of non-separateness, or nonduality to be the place our heart expands to, and the place we access our own deepest wisdom and knowing.

So if we truly come to "know" ourselves--we open into the place of wisdom far beyond what our limited ego and individual mind can offer

. "As long as you have an ego, you're on a limited trip" Ram Dass

To step outside of the place where our mind does all the thinking for us--the place where ego reigns supreme, into the the expansive energy of heartmind,  where the very "knowing" of ourselves transform the notion we have of lovemaking at its very core.  When we say I Am That I Am, we shift from the singular self of the eye, and expand into the universal and connected way of the I Am. We look into the face of God in every single face we encounter and are awestruck by the power of love that is found there!!!  Repentance feels pretty awesome from this place, break our hearts wide open, go way beyond into the place where 

I Am the way, the truth and the LIGHT!!!  This light in our heart exposes all, enlightens all and shifts the tempest that rages all around us into an incredibly profound dance of light!!!  To shift at that moment from just being a particle of light, into 'knowing' yourself to be the WAVE OF LIGHT is to find yourself as the I of any storm, the stillpoint of love, the pulsating, lovemaking, heartbreaking trascendant place of the divine. Here is where the true kundalini begins to rise and we recognize that we tremor in the expansive, connected, magnetic and magnanimous space this offers...With eyes (I's) truly open here, simply living is always some piece of lovemaking--an ecstatic and holy practice of Oneness.

So take a deep breath---these 10 days are the beginning of something truly grand.  We are invited to step into the 'knowing' of ourselves in the expansive, vibrant and ecstatic place of the Wave of Love.  

are you awake to hear this 'breeze at dawn' ? Do Not go back to sleep

 You don't wanna miss RIDING THIS WAVE! 

Right on through the I(eye) Am of this Storm

Many thanks to my teacher, Cynthia Bourgeault, and her teachings in "The Wisdom Jesus" 

The Day of the LEAP

Inexplicable, Joyful & Absolutely Necessary!

February 29, 2012  Leap Day (do we actually call it Leap day?)  Truly a day almost discovered as if out of some hidden place that everyone goes about acting exactly the same as they did yesterday and will tomorrow without even realizing this mystic and liminal space that has shown up in our daily worlds as if it just belongs here.
FIRST THINGS FIRST
     The energy of the year we are in is one that has long been discussed and debated;  is it a new deadline on doomsday, a time of some prophesied Second Coming, perhaps the year of global crossingover?  There are as many interpretations of the meaning of this year as there are people living it, and from a sense of just adding up the numbers, slowing down enough just to add up the sacred geometry of 2012, we are smack dab in the middle of a year of CHANGE.  a year where life has sped up; events, traumas, moments of note are flying fast and furious and it is up to us to slow down, find the space of meaning in those moments...and step into our own place of change, progress, awareness in how we embrace this shift.

and nextly....
in the middle of all this Fast and Furious, we are presented with (is if a neatly tied package and gift from on high) the gift of a whole extra day.  the entire calendar has split wide open to grant such a day.  oh sure, you say, this comes every 4 years, what's the big deal?  well, there isn't one, unless you want to make it that way.  and i, for one, intend to do so.  Not with any huge party; horns blowing and lot's of drinking...really more of an inner big deal, if you will.  How do i intend to Leap into the energy of change that is knocking so loudly at my own door?  It doesn't feel like any sort of 'out with old, in with the new', it simply feels like a willingness to look at every moment with new eyes, being open to the possibility that i know nothing, the shelf life of all my assumptions on this earthly plane has truly expired and i am embracing the new truths that teach themselves to me in each moment.   Wow, that's a tough one!  my hands kinda move into the GRIPS just with the mention of all this letting go, how come i'm so trained to Fear this kind of Release?  Why are we (and not just the royal we, but the cultural society i have learned some of this gripping behavior from) so nervous about the letting go?

So just for this one day--all my beliefs, assumptions, common practices, habits of behavior--out the window.  In this beautiful, in between, mystic moment of a day that doesn't typically even exist in my year---i choose to behave and believe with the same come from.  Leap Day--Set up to make adjustments in our 'typical normal', repair the rift of time that the last 4 years (if not 4 generations or 40,000 years) have taken us off course from, even if every so slightly just in the microscopic methods.

So no more expectation of the END OF THE WORLD. 

This time of change is really just the beginning.  am i willing to put down my old ways, the heaviness of how i used to do it, allow for some bit of newness and lightness to seep in at the edges?  You bet i am!!!  Today i am new, Nice to Meet You!!!!

A man is born gentle and weak.

At his death he is hard and stiff.

Green plants are tender and filled with sap.

At their death they are withered and dry.

Therefore the stiff and unbending is the disciples of death.

The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life.

Thus an army without flexibility never wins a battle.

A tree that is unbending is easily broken.

The hard and strong will fail.

The soft and weak will overcome.

Lao Tsu

2012 Time to do a Little Shapeshifting

Well we've all been saying it for months at least, if not years...how life feels like life is going so much faster, how what used to be huge and major deals in our daily world have now become par for the course, how we feel like something is about to break wide open!!!

Welcome to the 'breaking' people--the breaking wide open and wrapping your arms around the notion that a new self is at your doorstep!  The energy of this year has long been building, it is a year of CHANGE, of growth and progress, of looking into the new selves we want to become and taking off our blinders of ambivalence and actually embracing the new Us's that have been begging to show up. 

'what is she talking about?' you say

So since i spent my wonderful 2 weeks of self-imposed retreat from goal-setting at the start of the year; goals, notions for projects, strong intentions have been bubbling up in my world left and right.  They refuse to be ignored.  But almost as soon as one idea feels really good, it exhausts itself and a new one becomes The Thing.  i might be nursing a tiny crick in my neck from all the "whippin my hair back and forth!" (big props to will and jada for nurturing this song out of their teenage progeny, willow.  i'm not sure what i might have labeled my own angst without that tune).  and now that i seemed to have dropped right onto the "Highway to the Danger Zone" (the song titles just keep rollin today it would seem) i realize it is not with a little bit of anticipation i keep craning my neck to see what is up ahead. 

and deep breathing is required...

i realize i have this pattern of calling all my practices and learning together and embracing a sort of stillness in the eye of the storm, and then shifting into heavy virgo planning mode to see how i can best approach the frenzy, whether it be a tempest in a teapot or the perfect storm.  i find myself doing the craning thing just now, what is up ahead, how can i handle it "the right way", what is it i am wanting to accomplish and how do i get it done?  this makes for a bit o' the mid-winter madness i'm sure many a groundhog has felt when upon witnessing it's own shadow turned tail and moved back into hibernation for a bit.

well i feel pretty certain i don't want to shift back into hibernation, i also feel like the time isn't quite here for immediate action--and so i practice what i know about the silence--welcoming the change, showing up for myself daily as the next steps present themselves, trusting that my heart and soul are very understanding bedfellows and they won't lead me astray as i, yet again, peel back the layers of who i am to reveal the new, fully, shape-shifted and mewling new babe underneath!  Gentle would be good here!  

reminiscent of this...And the Mind Stood Still and Sit, Stay...Stay....

Practice does not require perfect

If the information is new to you, i have been on a new year's quest for the past few weeks...a quest to go without...No plan to make any goals, resolutions and i am actually even shying sort of clear of intentions. 

Shocking, unheard of, degenerate...you say? 

this could lead to the downfall of society...
So the two weeks are at an end, and i am sort of resisting going back to doing things any other way.  i guess i am really loving this whole space in between where no need to categorize or assess my world exists; only a true desire to be actively engaged in the moment i'm in.
here's what i've learned during this experiment...i didn't really sit around on my duff and eat bon bons, in fact i decided to start a sugar cleanse.  that's right, you read me right...during my season of in between. i started a new eating plan.  "how does that work"?  you might ask....and i'll tell you.  it's perfectly awesome to take on things i want to do during this time, i just do it without the whole notion that i have a goal to lose a million pounds, earn a million dollars and sell a million copies of a brilliant new bestseller. There is no need to constellate my plan with judgement or assesment, just energize it with action.  i did the sugar thing because it feels like it gets in the way of my physical happiness.  in all of my stillness and noticing, i recognized some moments where sugar seemed to feed my sense of less than well-being.  so i chose to notice myself going without sugar for a bit.

i've spent 6 days so far in that part of the experiement, and on one of them i cheated.  that bummed me out, but mostly because i noticed an immediate emotional shift into negatory good buddie!  i don't really love that zone anymore, so today, i shifted back to wanting what it feels like in the sugar free zone.

next, i started making some behind the scenes approaches towards building my own website, making the contacts i need, considering what content is relevant, what i might have to share in such a formal way that is worth putting out there.  "what the freak!!!" you say, "how the hell is that not making any resolutions? this chick is a total bait and switch master!"  no, no, no, here's the deal, it hasn't felt necessary to make a goal that i have a live website by a certain date, with a certain amount of relevant information all live and ready to go.  it has felt relevant that i have some things i wanna do, and some things i wanna say and they are begging to get out...in a more formal and clearly designed way than a catch as catch can blog.  so i can't ignore that a great way to organize those thoughts, and then perhaps even grown them into some awesome workshops and projects that other people can get involved in, is to find a way to go public with.  well whaddya know?  in comes the website.  all of a sudden it feels a little fun and exciting to eek out a few minutes during my week to put some creative thought into that and maybe a few action steps to back it up. 
hmmm, still different from goals, but it feels like a really slippery slope i'm describing doesn't it?

so here's the deal, i'm so far from perfect that i am loving the whole concept of gently, kindly, lovingly letting myself off the hook on that one and putting down that expectation for good.  in return, i am really thrilling in the joy of the PRACTICE of my imperfection.  it is a daily habit i am starting here...noticing all the things in that day that support my total and complete well-being and finding a way to do a bit of that for the day.  i do like that way it feels if i practice that for more than one day in a row, in fact, i am kinda really liking what it feels like to practice on a daily basis...this gets me absolutely nowhere closer to perfection, just a whole lot more actively engaged in living, and i guess that feels pretty good.